We just passed 20 months without Mali. The holidays are upon us. What should be a joyous time is still marked with great sadness.
Finding ourselves so out of sorts is so disheartening. When I take steps forward, I take steps backwards. Especially this time of the year.
I went through a very dark place the last weeks. Reaching out to my dearest friends was difficult. They are a shelter for me.
Honestly I have been so disconnected, sometimes I just want to be with her now instead of living life. It sucks being in this wretched fog. I think it’s dissipating, then it’s back. Just want to fold in the cards.
Trying to remember that I belong here with people who love and need me is hard to see.
There are good things in my life. Tim, my friends who keep my head above water when I can’t, the beauty around me of the changing season, roof over my head, good job and my children are great gifts laid before me. I am grateful.
I offer my suffering to God and will try to remember who is driving.