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The bitter emptiness that pervades my innermost core is unbearable most days.

A routine of getting up, dressed and off to work can persuade me into putting down this veil of darkness into the world of faked happiness of productivity for at least 10 hours of a day.

I mostly just long to be happy. I cannot muster up the courage to fit through that door today.

Endless time spent putting on this  masquerade for the benefit of whom? My family, work, trying to be social. Why do I have to be so emotional?  Why can’t ice and metal replace this aching heart of mine?

I can ruminate endlessly about this state I am constantly in. I can’t tell how much of it is self inflicted or the weight of the burden I carry.

 

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