Purpose

When I look up at the stars, I remember how in the summer you and I would sit in those chairs both looking up at the black sky waiting to see if a shooting star would fly by.
I saw one last night and instead of giving you my wish, I just smiled and thought about you.
I thought about how you should be sitting with me. Talking like we had so many times about your future. What you wanted, no matter how grand or small the thought were. I loved the sound of your voice and the hopes I know you had for the future.
Rereading the last note you wrote to me and your Dad, I am more confused today than I was at the start of this whole thing that afternoon in April.
I had a purpose then. I suppose I still do now. I’m not sure what is is. I thought my purpose was to finish working, retire and watch your babies grow.
I thought your purpose was to finish high school, go to university, fall in love, have a career, babies, a husband.
I know that’s not going to happen now. I mourn that. I’m still mourning the loss of you.
If I think about it in a rational way, I realize that I was so very blessed to be her Mother and she my daughter.
She lived her entire life with courage, compassion, love, and empathy for her fellow humans. She lived her entire life in fourteen years. I am grateful I got everyone of those years with her.

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