Grief may seem personal but, if you look at the process from above the tree line, there are many people that are still grieving for Mali passing from this world.
Her immediate family; Her Father, myself, her brothers Christopher and Tim, her sister Mandy, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, her friends… She had so many friends.
One thing she mentioned to me before she died was how she felt so alone. I did not understand this. She was always texting her friends and was always chatting on the phone or FaceTimeing them.
Depression is a bonafided disorder of the brain. From our experience, it can kill. If anyone reading this is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please reach out. There are people who love you. The world is definitely a better place with you in it. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
I really don’t have a lot to say today. I am quietly mourning my daughter today. Going to the mausoleum and will try to stay busy.
I miss you and love you so much my sweet ducky doodlebug. You are my everything and I feel so lost without you.
Remembering Mali 
I understand what your daughter meant that she feels alone. I have family and lots of wonderful friends, that have always been there for me. I know they love me dearly as I feel the same for them too. But once in a while, feeling alone sinks in.
I can’t imagine what you and your family are going through. I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers, for much strength, healing, guidance and love. Thinking of you always my friend!
LikeLiked by 1 person
These currently daily journals are difficult material for me to read and even more difficult to process. There is no training manual. I pass mile marker whatever on US 40 eastbound and down for home and from out of nowhere I am fighting back tears. A sucker punch from hell. WTF is wrong with me?! Well, there’s nothing wrong with me. I feel, therefore I am. But not this much, never before this much heart pain for so long over anybody. But then she wasn’t just anybody, was she!? So bring it on, Mr. Grief. I will get down or up on your level or wherever the **** you want to go with this and I will learn what you have to teach. No running away this time with the stoic attitude and worn-out cliches about being tough. No such thing as being tough. This hurts really bad.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sorry for the rawness. This is real and must be present as such. I cannot candy coat anymore. We’re not ok and won’t be. Just have to find that new normal. I love you very much. I’m always here if you need to chat.
LikeLiked by 1 person